Who Am I Without Him? By Sharon G. Flake

Rachel Buccieri

Who Am I Without Him? - Short stories about girls and the boys in their lives

By Sharon G. Flake

Summary:

             This is a book composed of several short stories in which girls and boys of African American descent explain their relationships with one another. The story is told mostly in the girls’ point of view, but a few of the stories have a male narrator. Most of the stories include a relationship that is in no means healthy. The narrators have low self- esteem, dependence on their significant other, and have a hard time grasping reality. It focuses on how young, adolescent teens are utterly drawn into a relationship in which they actually believe they can’t live without that person, hence the title. One girl is known as the “bad girl” in school, and she is so enamored by her boyfriend Rasheem, simply because he is so popular and all of the other girls want him. She sees him cheat on her and she still acts subordinate to him because she has no confidence of her own. Another girl has a polite, respectable boyfriend who treats her well, but she can’t seem to get her best friend’s boyfriend out of her mind- the bad boy. This want for a bad boy who has no goals or ambitions is very common in this book, because the females believe they will have ‘more fun’ and be more ‘adventurous’ if they are with the misbehaved ones. The struggle to find their own self-identity is very difficult for the characters in this book. The book ends in a wonderful way in my opinion; Flake concludes the book with a letter from a father to his daughter. It has ten paragraphs in which he points to ten different lessons he wants his daughter to learn about men. He teaches her to ultimately be your own person and have your own identity, and if you do decide to date a man, make sure he respects you. I found this to be extremely profound, and it encompasses the entire book and the struggles throughout the entire book.

This novel has many central themes that directly relates to adolescents, such as bullying, dealing with low confidence, nerves when it comes to relationships, self-identity, disability, teen pregnancy, drugs, and more. This book touches on so many issues that teens have to deal with on an everyday basis. The main theme is not losing yourself in a relationship involving two people. Though it is beneficial to have relationships, it is crucial to preserve yourself in the process.

Teachability:

            This book was a very quick read for me. I read the entire thing in about an hour. The vocabulary was fairly simple, and I do not think it would be very hard for a middle school student to read. However, some of the issues were a draining, such as the Tommy with the disability, the girl who is pregnant, etc. I do not think that the issues were displayed in a way that is not appropriate for middle school students though. I believe this book is definitely geared toward girls however. I think boys would have a hard time relating to the characters and they may not be mature enough to handle the female emotions that are present in the novel. I think it has amazing lessons that any middle school student should learn, and several issues, especially bullying, that should be addressed. But, I think it is a book that as a teacher, I would have in my classroom for free time or a book I would have in an out-of-class book club. It just was not gender-neutral enough for me to teach, but I think the reading level, book length, and the substance was definitely appropriate for a middle school student.